My Busted Stork

The travails of an infertile…and no, I won’t just relax!

My Dream

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These past few days have got me going a little insane. If I read another sad story of miscarriage and infertility I think over the edge I will tip! It’s all good and well to ‘know your stuff’ and also feel the communal support of all those infertiles out there, but man, it can take up a lot of space in the brain. And it also tends to make you feel even more sorry for yourself so I think I need to pace myself a little.

Plus it’s distracting me at work (he he, as I sit and blog)

I work in advertising and yes, pretty much every stereotype that comes to mind is a correct description of the place where I work, except for maybe snorting cocaine off a colleagues belly while lying on the boardroom table – that’s maybe a little far fetched! But the stress, the egos, the deadlines, the pretentious people, the no life – all that is pretty much true. And that is probably a big factor as to why I have not been able to get pregnant (there I go again).

Advertising is something I have always wanted to do. As soon as I matriculated I moved to the big City and my Dad said “OK now what?” and I immediately decided that I wanted to have a career in advertising.  So for the last fifteen years thats what I have been working to and building on. It came as a blow when sometime in the course of last year I finally hit a brick wall where I no longer wanted this for my life. I still don’t know if I am over the shock of that realisation. But I am coming to terms with the fact that it is more of a transition into something new that I need.

So, because this blog is new this is the perfect opportunity for me to write down my dream. I am not into airy, fairy shit. I don’t carry around a stone in my pocket that reminds me of my mantras or my visualisations. But it is human nature to have a dream, it is healthy to have a dream.

My brother is a great designer in London and he is moving back to SA next year. We are going to open up a little design agency. We will service only a few Clients and will only do the work we want to do, bringing in enough money to sustain ourselves. Most importantly we will live in Noordhoek which feels far from the city but isn’t. W will teach at the nearby school. My brother will build a completely sustainable sandbag house on the hills of Noordhoek overlooking the sea. He will have a little studio. W and I will live nearby. Around 9am every morning I will load up my child (this is a dream, OK!) my 2 dogs and drive the 3min to Dan’s house. I will sit and have coffee  with my sister-in-law who will be a yoga instructor at a nearby hippie-like studio. Dan will be finishing up his morning surf and will come home and join in the fun. There will be loads of dogs and babies wondering around – general, delightful chaos. Then Dan and I will hole ourselves up in the studio and get down to some work where we will lovingly craft our client’s brands. There might be a few weekly trips into town to see some clients (and maybe get a massage at the same time) but it will be a good excuse to go shopping and buy some shoes and I will always be home in time to beat the traffic. (sigh)

Here it is in black and white. Right now just a small coin in the wishing well of cyberspace.  For now.

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