I started acupuncture sessions on Monday morning. It feels pretty strange to be doing things like this when I have already gone down the logical ‘western’ medical route because, lets face it, acupuncture is a little more vague when solving infertility issues. But I really believe that if it can somehow improve my health then it can somehow improve my chances.
I arrived very frazzled after being stuck in traffic and half hour late for the appointment. The lady is a well known acupuncturist in Cape Town and I was expecting some dreadlocked hippy, all tie-dyed and shit. But this was a very quiet,gentle and unassuming woman with a lovely house in the suburbs.
For once I felt…listened to. She asked me all about my lifestyle from how heavily I sleep to how often I poop. This is what matters! I often feel that small indications tell me that my body is not functioning at maximum capacity. Like the fact that I often feel very bloated or that my period stops for a full 24-36 hours in the middle of my flow. But this is something dismissed by regular doctors all the time.
After answering about 8 pages of questions she stood very quietly and felt my pulse. She didn’t take my pulse, like time it and write it down, she listened to it as though it was telling her something. And apparently it did tell her something. She said that my body is beyond exhausted but my brain doesn’t know it. She said that because my demeanor is upbeat and outgoing I don’t know that my body is not living up to what my brain thinks it is. My energy resources are low and it’s screwing up all the balances in my body.
It might be bullshit, but it felt so good to hear it. It felt good to have something identified and explained to you in such a gentle way. It was almost like a someone dead talking through a psychic and telling me it was going to be OK. Sometimes I feel that my body is the cause for so much of my unhappiness. My body image around weight has always been messed up and I have no idea if I am really fat or not so fat! I get angry with my body because it never responds to diets or exercise the way other people’s bodies respond. And in the last 4 years it has seriously let me down. It is not fulfilling it’s end of the bargain! I have been doing everything right and something within my body to revolting against me and refusing to co-operate and freaking conceive already!
But here was someone with my interests and my bodies interest at heart breaching the gap in communication and it was almost like a reunion, tenuous, but a start.
I just read this back – fuck! I am turning into one of ‘them’, aren’t I?
But just to end off. Isn’t it great that my infertility treatments now end up with me feeling like I have just been to the spa instead of the science lab? This I can deal with!