My Busted Stork

The travails of an infertile…and no, I won’t just relax!

Claws out

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PMS is such a cliché, but it’s an unavoidable truth. What is a minor irritation normally becomes a rage that I cannot contain. I can’t let it go – I need to act on it, I need to express myself. This is usually aimed at W, the poor sod. But sometimes it is aimed at my friends. It goes from a niggle to claws out in 30seconds flat. And when you are an infertile your period is even more of a thorn in your side. So yes, I am using this as my excuse for wanting to claw the eyes out of a friend of mine. (I even sound premenstrual in the written word!)

She is pregnant with her 3rd child and cannot refrain from endless moaning on Facebook. It’s the heartburn and the sore hips and the cankles and the tiredness, like she is the most afflicted woman in the history of mammals gestating. Every time I log on it’s there. Plus she keeps on sending me inane messages like “How are you”. What she is wanting from me is for me to make her feel special by opening up to her about what I am going through at the moment. Maybe it is unfair for me to say she doesn’t care but I feel like she wants the juicy details of my pain. Any horrific or tragic story has her beating down the door to “be there” for the person and I feel it is gratuitous.

So I sent her an email and told her so. I tried to sound fair. But I also had to add an extra little passive-aggressive “your heartburn and swollen ankles are my dreams at the moment”. This is not me. I don’t really talk like this, ever. But I wanted her to squirm. Haven’t heard back yet but I am hoping I didn’t open pandora’s box. Believe it or not I don’t want to fight…

I am relishing the PMS this month because as soon as the period arrives then it is back onto that bicycle. We are doing our FET (Frozen Embryo Transfer) round this cycle. We have 4 of the little blighters. We joke about if any of them become children how much fun we will have knowing they were chilling in an icebox for a while.

This time round I am going into full defensive mode. The walls are coming up, I am not telling anyone and I want to be in robot mode just going through the motions without thinking or feeling ANYTHING. I AM ROBOT!


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