My Busted Stork

The travails of an infertile…and no, I won’t just relax!

And now we wait

4 Comments

This is probably not going to be the most inspired post – right now I am at best holding my head up and at worst not even thinking straight. Words might not come the right order in. But I thought I needed to document where we are right now so that I have done it before the dreaded approaching test date. Last IVF I lagged on writing everything down and so had to write it all after we had our BFN which was really tough. Looking back it was good in a way because it let me examine my story and then put it to bed as best as I could.

We had our Embryo Transfer a few days ago. I tried to have a relaxing morning at home but ended up doing some work. Then I planned a nice walk on the beach with the dogs which ended up being a massive sand storm because of the wind – I continued to try and see the bright side.

We got to see the Doc and he said that they had thawed the first 2 embryo’s but they weren’t looking good. I saw them on the screen – they looked like lumpy walnuts instead of embryos but it’s a wonder to me that I even know what an embryo should look like! So we spent another stressful hour waiting to see if the other 2 – our last 2 – would thaw and remain viable. The what ifs were racing through my brain and making me seasick. Doc came through with a thumbs up which was a HUGE relief. So we did the transfer. It wasn’t as painful as the last time – although tight is still way too much of a understatement! Doc said it went well and so that was it.

Obviously I am blessed that I could even transfer 2 embryos but I was a little bummed that that is it for us regarding a further FET. Next time round it will need to be another IVF and another 30k – ouch!

But I am still feeling like shit warmed up. Like, really. Like I can’t face the drive home right now because of the nausea. My butt is now many colours of the rainbow with big painful lumps under the skin. And wait, I have diarrhoea to add to the list (sorry for the TMI). Oh, and don’t forget the moodiness and borderline depression – that’s new and probably the worst of them all. I have googled the side effects of Estropause and all of this comes up so I know I can’t read anything hopeful into these symptoms. It just makes a BFN all the more harder to bear when it’s all for nothing.

And yes, I know the good angel sitting on the other shoulder says “but it’s all worth it if its positive” but seriously, get the f**k out of my face!

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4 thoughts on “And now we wait

  1. Thinking of you and holding thumbs xxx

  2. I can only empathise. Started reading your blog and felt your pain. Ive been and am still on the rollercoaster too. Here’s to the wee ray of hope coming good for you.

  3. Wish you the best of luck with this cycle! When do you test?

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